“Relating means you are always starting, you are always trying to become acquainted. Again and again, you are introducing yourself to each other. You are trying to see the many facets of the other’s personality. You are trying to penetrate deeper and deeper into his realm of inner feelings, into the deep recesses of her being. You are trying to unravel a mystery which cannot be unraveled. That is the joy of love: the exploration of consciousness” – Being In love, OSHO
I absolutely love this. To me, I’ve always believed that the meaning of “true love” meant falling in love with the person over and over again. To fall in love with the person they become and continue to unfold into. Friends who have broken up with their significant others complain that “they’re just not the same person I fell in love with.” to which my response is “OF COURSE they’re not!”. I’m not the same person I was when I started writing this blog entry just a few minutes ago! We are constantly changing and evolving and truly loving someone means encouraging that growth in all facets of a person’s life. That is the joy of love. So yes OSHO, thank you for confirming what I’ve always known.
However, there was something about this book that had me a bit perplexed. It was when he wrote…
“Couples who love each other should have a few love affairs once in a while. Those love affairs will renew their relationship, will refresh it. You will start seeing beauty once again in your wife. You may start fantasies, dreams of having your wife again. You will realize that you misunderstand her before; this time you are not going to misunderstand. And the same is true about your husband.”
Excuse me what?! What in the fucking fuck?! This is so radical! I could not get over this when I first read it and almost felt offended. I felt as if everything I had read up until that point I totally agreed with until BAM! This hit me right in the jugular. You’re telling me I SHOULD go out and have an affair and step out on my man? To appreciate him more? When I started reading “Being in love”, I really hadn’t known much about OSHO. I was intrigued after seeing it on my friend’s coffee table, so I picked up a copy of my own. I didn’t know of Osho’s history until I watched “WILD WILD COUNTRY” on Netflix…(and holy shit, its wild AF! Def watch it to see what I mean). So then, this finally started to make a little bit more sense. A LITTLE. Osho was very big on freedom in love. One that was free of possessiveness and jealousy. He also writes,
“Keep freedom as a higher value than love itself. And if it is possible, and it is possible because it is natural, your life will not be a misery. It will be continued excitement, a continuous exploration of new human beings. We are strangers; nobody is a husband, nobody is a wife.”
Possessiveness is what keeps us from truly being in love. He says it’s our conditioning that keeps us from understanding love amidst widely accepted societal norms. That freedom is the ultimate key to happiness in a relationship that goes both ways. That in RELATING to one another, we must help each other out of these old conditionings. No one wants to be in a relationship with anyone who’s possessive and jealous. THAT I can totally agree with. But this radical freedom he speaks of, while commendable, is one that’s not as easy to grasp. However, my interpretation of it NOW, is that while he IS saying to go out and have an affair, it’s really more about you being ok with the idea when it comes your partner. This is similar to the “For better or for worst” in wedding vows I suppose. OR even people in polygamous relationships, which however, still have rules. But it’s about giving your partner absolute freedom and also receiving the same in return. It’s not about control, ego, greed, rules, expectations, demands or any of that other bullshit.
You are trusting in the divine guidance that no matter what happens, you are going to be ok. And guess what, you always are! I think about the many times I’ve had a broken heart, where it felt as if my entire world crumbled and I would curse love and vow to never fall in love again in the thick of it. I worry that I could never love again because my heart was finally broken for good this last time. Too many shattered pieces of my already fragmented heart, scattered and lost in all of eternity. OH THE DESPAIR! …..Only to wake up one day and find that the pain in my chest no longer hurt and I found myself back in love again. Point is, I was ALWAYS ok—actually, MORE than ok, every single time. We enter into these relationships with “ideas” of who we are and what we “want” in a partner. And we not only create but believe these stories we tell ourselves about these partners, that it’s impossible, for anyone, to live up to. Then when unmet expectations arise, and they absolutely will, they are still the one to blame.
I think this book is about taking responsibility for ourselves and showing up in relation to another as honest about who WE are as possible. Not expecting anything other than connection, trust, openness and understanding of one another deeply and wholeheartedly. This is no easy feat. In this age of dating apps and swiping, people long for connection but are soooo afraid to come undone. No one is ever yours, you don’t belong to anyone, but YOURSELF. But when you show up as a whole person and the other is a whole person, then true love can beautifully blossom. No one should ever COMPLETE you. For you are already whole. Catch my drift? And whatever is still broken inside of you, is totally fine, but don’t put that on anyone else. Simply, do the work and that person can challenge you to do better and be better. They may even inspire you! That’s what it’s all about. This is the JOY of love: an exploration of consciousness.
So grab this book. Read it. Dissect it. And give me your thoughts!